Im back : )

Im back after a long time , why? because i was lazy and too busy to blog. School this few days as usual = / . Until now im still a loner in the school , i know it sucks for me but at least now im accepting to live with reality and not think about the past. Reason why i am a loner in the school now is because i keep my mouth shut and dun talk to anyone . Its just that , i feel that people wont accept me because of the ridiculous things i did in the past. I have changed in one way or another , but people still dun believe my new me . They taunt me as the same way as they did in the past , i ignored them of course ,without being bothered by what they say. Even though i dun feel a thing of what they say , i still have to accept the fact that im disabled . I have accepted it and lived with it for 17 years in my life. Without any feelings about anything , life moves on . I may not be able to express to people my thoughts all the time , but at least im trying to be kind and more accepting to people. I tried to change myself before trying to talk to people , it ends up making myself irritating lol(just feel this way). Truth is , we can change who we are , but it will be a difficult path,(even now i cant change myself to what i want )It takes alot of hardwork and effort . Nevertheless , i did change from the past alot i'm not as selfish , immatured as before and now im more of a person who is kindner to others and willing to give a helping hand to others even though they treat me in a bad way . I used to be a noisy and loud person but now a much more quietier person who likes to keep things to himself : ). Im really trying my very best to change so that others will accept me and forgive my past mistakes i make : ). I having mixed feelings about everything now , my future , myself , my family ...and so on..... . My disablity is something i cant run away from it , its in me and nothing i do can change the fact im disabled . Im still grabbing on to life very hard . Its a cruel world to live in but i have to accept it : )

life

back to blogging ... not much to write about today . I'm doing well for my tests in school so far.but still I'm still a loner in sec 5 sighhh hopefully my sacrifice will be worth it and not being remorseful of not going ite. Damn school life sucks , each day I only look forward to Friday . I'm finally back to studying after a month lol. I'm just not strong enough to stand up for myself anymore . . . even if I do I end up saying something bad . for example Sunday I was freaking tired from Saturday and did not have sufficient sleep so I was abit cranky after skate lesson and I felt half dead already by then . Malcolm had make it worse for me by disturbing me Brian == as usual . well everyone is used to it and after all his is just a 13 years old hyper active kid I was already felt quite annoyed due to his disturbing then I controlled myself all the way . it was then he made a remark that I always never skate like 1 hour go already in a very rude manner that I could
not take It any longer I ended up scolding a vulgarity with a middle finger pointed straight at him. my actions caused Allen to lecture me which embarrass me the most and to add salt to the wound hua Jie was there can u believe it ?two adults lecturing me not to scold vulgar. it was then I realize that we can't control what others say but by respecting others maybe the other party will treat u with respect too . Malcolm is okay sometimes , but last week he was ignorant and rude . The thing is I do respect people , I always offer help no matter how u treat me I am a very forgiving person maybe too forgiving but no matter how forgiving I am
I still have a limit to my tolerance and you shouldn't go overboard and be sensitive towards other feelings. I'm not so zai to be able to withstand every remark and every bad thing a person do to try to hurt or insult me.if I could I will be as good as not
being human. we live to learn yes it's my fault for scolding a vulgar so I'm in the wrong but I just hope u be more sensitive towards others next time
the most sad thing is that I have helped u countless of times and always share things with u even though u were very demanding = ( and rude . you are actually a good kid and one of the person who inspire me to skate ... in fact I bet u inspire almost everyone and it really proves u r super talented and able to learn slides in a blink of a eye . but please learn to be humble = ) it's hard for others to be very kind to u but u being very rude I hope u learn to be more humble and sensitive..

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