my thoughts

sometimes I stop and think ..am I worth living at all?I been demoralised this year and 2011 has been a bad year for me I really hate it ... I hate myself more. I'm always been tossed aside like rubbish.im just not strong enough inside of me fuck it .. just what am I worth ? I can't even face myself at all.. each time I look at the mirror a reflection of a demon is being shown. Sometimes I wish to die but I can't do that because that will hurt my family if I did... I cannot bring a blow to my family lives ESP dad who been putting his effort for me. I know I can't give up my life now. This is life an unfair and cruel life it is and we can't run from it . i know I' can't change completely and fragments of my old self will be inside of me and people will not forget about it easily. this is how being disabled is. people look down on u and pity u . and people who are disabled must bear what people think and bear all criticism and insults from people. this is me a disabled person who is completly different from others . No matter how much u want to be like other humans u will still be the same. I feel useless like a battery being used up . A friend told me when there us darkness there will be always be light. but wheres my light ? I dun even see it anywhere. just what am I worth living for?

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

I'm not strong enough

I'm just not strong enuf I need to get stronger show me the way

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

FSK-FIGHT FOR FREEDOM

Life is just as good as being a prisoner, why do i say that? because in your whole like. You will be studying than when u are old u go to work... theres is no freedom in that. We cant run away from it. Its just study = money. Its just sucks. Than there will be arrogant people showing off. and looking down on others and blabbering about themself being smart and blah blah blah. Its just isnt right. What for show off to others ? also no point you dun gain anything... = = ... omg... and also li shuan is fucking lame zzz.... go look at my fb wall ... = = .

heys its been a long time since i last blog. Today school was boring as usual and i was being nagged by my fucking irritating maths teacher its about my a maths homework = = i wasnt here last week but she still expect me to do my work wtf! she so annoying. i really hate her . I know its important to hand up your work. But saying that i never do and that she will ask my teacher to revote to not letting me take my a maths is pushing the limit . Fuck her seriously who does she think she is to choose what i should do. ? . Shes not even reasonable about the deadline. I was sick last week and yet she expect me to still take the responsibilty to do my homework and hand in the same time as other people. If other teachers accept the reason of being sick why cant u. DO u expect me to do my work with a high fever? . Fuck her FUCK fuck fuck. Is bad enough that u have to be my maths teacher again this year and its worse that you are now my form teacher. I already feeing depressed about going to school and finding it hard to adapt to the new school life with most of my friends gone. School isnt the same as before. The school will throw all the badass teachers at us which will demoralise everyone to do well. Always good teachers leave and the bad teachers will come. Mr ow was a awesome and great physics teacher. He is the one who motivated and helped me shoot up my grades.To me he is the best teacher i ever had in BHSS. I always feel good after his lesssons. So as everyone elese. Every physics lesson was exciting its was always a joy to see him come and teach us. My physics will always get a A because of him too... always my physics scored 22/30, 23/20 and above.And will never drop 70 percent. Now he left the school and physics is now a boring period for me. I know for 2morws physics im not going to do very well. Not that because of the teacher that i will do well. Because i never pay attention to her : ). Its hard to adapt.... seriously..... but at least now. i finally started to buck up my studies already.I going to revise later for the physics test later. And i will score as high as i can . I wont let mr ow down. Never will i ....
4n3 will always be remebered in my heart as always. It will never be forgotten. Thats why i will plan the best bbq next week something we will all never forget. : ).

4n3 will not be forgotten

I dun like to compare with others thanks...
i guess our class has seperated.. we went to our seperate ways now... i hope everyone will be sucessful.... i knew this day will come... im still trying to adapt to my class.... Since darren didnt came to skool i have to talk to other people... so went to talk to hui shan wang han ricky they all today... sharing the memories of 4n3..... its hard to let go... but i will have to face it... the old times are just a memory now.. i have to move on.... im quite tired today.... so blog about today 2morw or later sorry! LOL

400 doller edusave award + 230=630+chinese new year money=??
got my edusave award today its 400 doller.... going to buy ipod touch : D... bored today only plaed dota and sleep lol.. i guess computer really affect ur mind . just now after taking photograph with the advisor i forgot to take my cert which shows how it affect u i was like super blur just now. Partly to yesterday skating also. Felt like sleeping lols... yesterday train until very tired.. im not happy with my slide progress.. it sucks... it just like sebestian told me that i dunt have talent in it and i have to put in more effort than those people who have talent. I felt frustrated . I everyday came down holiday yet i didnt put in my 100 percent. zzz... i didnt ask people to teach me and yet train myself which was my biggest mistake. so from nowon i will ask people where my mistake everything. Its really really sucks.. i wanna to be that level like other sliders... and this is the shit i get... hope to be better zzz

sliding goals for this month
acid toe
cross acid toe (j slide)

Hi everyone! im here to blog about today! : D... today is the first day of school.. sian : (.. vice principal talk principal talk today siannz... i miss some of my old friends. Irfaan , jonathan , li shuan stanley : (.. they moved on to i.t.e... and school havent been the same with them. So just went through the lessons... AND sigh... they ask me to cut my hair = = and my hair wasnt even long wtf!.... zzz... so i just accept it and didnt qurrel with them . Its no use anyway even if i fight with them nothing i can do so bo bian lors zzz... after school went out with darren to mit stanley. He in i.t.e and havent start school so good! i want go i.t.e : (... i dun wan study T.T. lol.... haiyah. but oh well no choice to study anyway xD. Went to eat at mos burger and i havent had a good meal since a long time. Im kinda sick at macdonalds, kfc and burger king because doing the holidays i everyday eat fast food because theres nothing elese to eat!... zzz... so after eating went to hyper to check if my skate backpack got stock ... dun have zzzz.... went home take my skates went to my house area to train after came home and study abit then went to dota. Didnt really study much beacuse idk what to study wait till 2morw then i study haha....

I wish i finished o levels already D :....
i hate school life totally sucks : ( .... why cant school and studying dun exist? zzz