Im back : )

Im back after a long time , why? because i was lazy and too busy to blog. School this few days as usual = / . Until now im still a loner in the school , i know it sucks for me but at least now im accepting to live with reality and not think about the past. Reason why i am a loner in the school now is because i keep my mouth shut and dun talk to anyone . Its just that , i feel that people wont accept me because of the ridiculous things i did in the past. I have changed in one way or another , but people still dun believe my new me . They taunt me as the same way as they did in the past , i ignored them of course ,without being bothered by what they say. Even though i dun feel a thing of what they say , i still have to accept the fact that im disabled . I have accepted it and lived with it for 17 years in my life. Without any feelings about anything , life moves on . I may not be able to express to people my thoughts all the time , but at least im trying to be kind and more accepting to people. I tried to change myself before trying to talk to people , it ends up making myself irritating lol(just feel this way). Truth is , we can change who we are , but it will be a difficult path,(even now i cant change myself to what i want )It takes alot of hardwork and effort . Nevertheless , i did change from the past alot i'm not as selfish , immatured as before and now im more of a person who is kindner to others and willing to give a helping hand to others even though they treat me in a bad way . I used to be a noisy and loud person but now a much more quietier person who likes to keep things to himself : ). Im really trying my very best to change so that others will accept me and forgive my past mistakes i make : ). I having mixed feelings about everything now , my future , myself , my family ...and so on..... . My disablity is something i cant run away from it , its in me and nothing i do can change the fact im disabled . Im still grabbing on to life very hard . Its a cruel world to live in but i have to accept it : )