sometimes hell can come alive

hell is a place whereby there is misery and sadness well my life is no different from hell.having a soft heart and forgiving others easily will cause more harm to myself people take you for granted and no one will understand you. I dun blame them to them is a joke but they forget what is it like to step into other peoples shoe. emotions are taking over me which discourage me from studying now. There is no god =D what a fool I was . now I can only depend on myself . I wish someone will talk to me and show me the way but I know it will never come true oh well. Let hell take over my life then. With what I have gone thru it's aint worth believing in god at all. Hurt me all you want then if that what pleases you guys most

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I wish I could die without hurting people

I feel useless I can't do much to help out . i always ended up being silent to most people and I'm not sure why. there are people who look down on me saying I'm immature and all. I'm stubborn because I'm tired of people helping me all the time I want to find my own way without any help but end up people dun see my views most of the time. i skate to vent emotions but end up I get more sad most of the time because of my slow learning and not having talent. I cook to try to push my emotions away and to spend time with mum but I feel that I'm giving her more work. I used to study so that I could encourage ppl that studying isn't really that hard and do that I could help them as well... but end up the Friends I love most are gone. the girl I used to fancy alot ended up making both of us feel hurt. I hate my life and the worse is to go thru my disability I want to die but I dun want to hurt my parents... they did so much for me I dun think they can take the pain if I'm gone... I love
my parents even though they go overboard sometimes .. they do it for me . I wish I can die and everyone who know me will forget me when I die so that no one will get hurt. I wish I could lead a carefree life... I wish ppl will apprciate me more and not someone invisible . I know the world is unfair ... I have no choice but to live.. I can't leave my brother alone cuz he isn't studying hard enuf so as my sister and in the future my autistic brother will need a place of living and mum and dad can't support him forever. this is how I feel about myself... my true wish is to make everyone happy no matter how much I have to go thru I really dun care about my own life... as long I can see everyone smiling and laughing. the thing I'm sad the most is .... Alicia I'm sorry even though u said Its not my fault that u failed I still feel it's my fault. I tried to help u.... u ended up failing with that one point,. maybe If u do not know me u will pass... and u won't have to repeat ... I know u are more cheerful and happy in this class. but I dun want u to waste ur time in sec skool... u should pursue and aim higher u are actually quite smart.. u could top the skool..... and not be last . u always said In the past that u do not want to hurt me but I think I'm the one that is hurting u.... I'm sorry Dexter I guess u are more suitable for alicia and not me... I'm not worth it I throw temper and my tone like what u said. I cause u pain and all I made u jealous and sad becuz I talk to alicia alot . I hate myself HATE IT

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I'm old already sian

I'm old already with my whole body aching now yesterday I was being too ambitious go try the ramp which is quite steep . I was freaking scared I shake my legs before I try to go down only 2 of my friends were playing with the ramp at skate park . the rest of us were afraid to go down lol but I try
to act brave and try to to down the ramp I was freaking scared to see how steep the thing was that I forget that I'm suppose to lean forward while going down the ramp I lean forward
at first than lean back I feel down with the impact Hitting my head thank goodness I was not unconscious or who knows I may die.... I thought I'm strong... but I guess I'm not. many opportunities I tried to stand up be brave it ends up to what happen to me in the ramp... I'm guess I'm glad to be still alive ... I just wana post here to say thanks Malcolm Gabriel Allen sky Eunice and genestine ... u all help me when I fall .... and I know even if I were unconscious u won't leave me there to die.. ... thanks....

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hardcore

hardcore addiction 3 and 4 ftw!!! =p

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lamest things i have seen

just woke up and browse thru stomp and saw another post about a couple kissing I public == . this is not my first time I have seen such post in fact I have seen it more than countless of times. I think it's really stupid..== I mean it's normal for anyone to make out what's wrong with making out in public no one ask u to see them
make out also zzz . just hope my friends who have stead won't get stomped because of this what's wrong with people these days zzz .went pool with jonathan yesterday at woodlands it may seem far but actually its not that far reach there like only 30-40 mins and the table is super rough to play pool so i was bored playing over there== damn so played only a hour . well jonathan is not being his usual self lately . first time we dun have
much to say to each other he has problem with his stead so.... i kind of pity him because of what he go thru to make her happy yet she treat him this way he gave in to her alot and thats what happen to him i realize having a relationship is hard esp before going thru ns because the other party will want ur attention and if u do not meet the other party regularly he or she will feel the other party is not treating them well it's hard to balance relationship with life that's why most families will ask u to only have a relationship after studies cuz u may not be able to cope with ur studies but if ur able to balance then its okay to have one like Shawn ting hw got skate studies basketballs girlfriend and err forget le but he still manage to balance o.o it's proves that it's not Impossible...anyways I didn't go school today so I'm gonna skate at Ecp later =) its been long since I skate and hopefully it won't rain today because it's being raining like f**k these few days .

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the past , now and the future

Time goes by day by day. we get older and learn new things , time both heals and hurt people . Heals because we get over things hurts because we have to depart from people . This is what I feel now still opening the page in my book to the old days where things were great and school wasn't all bad as it seems to be. I had friends who laugh and shared stories with me to make me laugh and have something to smile about. they make me to someone who have a reason to continue living. They all went to I.t.e Harris irwan Stanley irfaan Jonathan Lishuan and half of 4n3 was Gone. we
went our sperate ways . our class deco was still there each day I pass by I see our class deco being torn apart which makes me sad. we all played a part as a class back then a real united class tgt we give our teacher nonsense and we do childish things running around the classroom chasing each other XD having fun listening to mr ow funny and interesting lessons. it all went by so fast . I wish we could be tgt longer....it's just a memory to me now . that time no longer exist. hopefully in the future I will be able to go to a fun poly whereby I do the course of my interest and have really awesome friends . I need to put in my effort and give in my all . i want to do something i like to do as my carrier something of my interest and see it more of a fun thing then a job so i will be like wow this is work?something of which I enjoy to do? and I will be excited to go work everyday and will be willing to work overtime without pay!=) future is ours to make i dun mind having much pay as long i get to do what i wanna do and be able to support my parents and getting my essential needs and i dun beed luxury or what crap i dun even want to live in a condo becuz less neighbours to interact with and its just sucks . i want to buy a house at marine terrence because its near ecp and i will be able to skate everyday and maybe be a part time coach as well hahah=p and have a peaceful environment it rocks at marine Terrence its near a basketball court soccer court and super near ecp wor >< i have my goals already now its to find my interest =) there will be no rainbows without rain and my sweet effort will be shown one day

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my mood swings

just came back home and bath finished. I never really train much ... this week partly cuz of rain and my motivation I have a very bad mood swing this week so I get agitated easily . I have my highs and lows...this week my mood swings come about once in blue moon and this is the worse mood
swing I ever had. maybe I should talk more to people shall spam Alicia 2morw hehe XD. I still very upset
about thurs I can't seem to shake that stupid quarrel off . I just can't stand people who are freaking arrogant and look down on you if you do not follow their views . furthermore the way she wrote wasnt like giving a advice is
more of looking down on you == she thinks the matter is easily solve and then she will shoot on u == I also dk what's her problem at all.. shes being so kapo of other peoples matters . Omg the worse thing was that she shoot at me when I tell her not to be kapo then say I'm so immature zzz. if I'm immature than what about kids?== its so stupid zz I shall end what I wanna say about here her and move on. mum and dad was right I should not talk to her at all. sorry mum and dad =( should have listened to you =\ . Malcolm and I are ok already people from the team are slowly accepting me more and more ... and that really makes me happy.. i hope one day I will be accepted to society. I'm trying my best my very very best =) so that I can talk to anyone in the world .. thats what I really want in life... I want to be kind towards people and be accepted by others . yesterday me and Malcolm were okay already even though he burn a hole in my pocket cuz I treat him alot of things... yeah... though I didn't train so much I had a good
time talking to people ... at skool I started talkin to Sarah abit hahah and hopefully to other people as well. I'm sure if I interact with pol more I will change to what I want to be and have a goal in life.

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vulgarities

(I have nothing to say to you thats all . i do not need u to tell me what to do ,you dun have to lecture me too u r not my mum . If im so immature to u then dun talk to me = = and mind ur own buisness then. (should just ignored her == wasted my time damn )

what irritate me the most is that people who acts that they are right in every way and who thinks he or she is ms/mr knoweverything . The most ridiculous part is that she say im still a child and blablabla... and i was like = = i mean... everyone has different views of everything and dosent has to be right or wrong all the time honestly i do not know whats her problem ? = = she acts like she is my mum or something and if she was not happy about my views she could just ignored == she herself is rebelious and said i was rebelious zzzz forget it i do not want to talk about it i shouldnt even be bothered.... like what allen told me on sunday We can't control wad ppl do to u. U can only control ur own actions. N hopefully through ur actions treating ppl respectfully, hopefully ppl will return the gratitude. If not, den tt person is jus purely f-Up. After what allen told me and lectured me doing me and malcolm incident i have learnt that we should refrain from scolding any Vulgarities and continue respecting people no matter what they do to you ... i know many of us scold here and there even adults . Is already a trend after all .. .almost everyone uses it lol . Almost everywhere i walk hear one f word come out . However ,vulgarities are not a good thing they arent pleasant at all even though almost everyone are used to vulgars already and also use them themself and can even use vulgar as a joke .There are still people who are sensitive towards vulgar, and therefore we should refrain from using it at all times .

life

back to blogging ... not much to write about today . I'm doing well for my tests in school so far.but still I'm still a loner in sec 5 sighhh hopefully my sacrifice will be worth it and not being remorseful of not going ite. Damn school life sucks , each day I only look forward to Friday . I'm finally back to studying after a month lol. I'm just not strong enough to stand up for myself anymore . . . even if I do I end up saying something bad . for example Sunday I was freaking tired from Saturday and did not have sufficient sleep so I was abit cranky after skate lesson and I felt half dead already by then . Malcolm had make it worse for me by disturbing me Brian == as usual . well everyone is used to it and after all his is just a 13 years old hyper active kid I was already felt quite annoyed due to his disturbing then I controlled myself all the way . it was then he made a remark that I always never skate like 1 hour go already in a very rude manner that I could
not take It any longer I ended up scolding a vulgarity with a middle finger pointed straight at him. my actions caused Allen to lecture me which embarrass me the most and to add salt to the wound hua Jie was there can u believe it ?two adults lecturing me not to scold vulgar. it was then I realize that we can't control what others say but by respecting others maybe the other party will treat u with respect too . Malcolm is okay sometimes , but last week he was ignorant and rude . The thing is I do respect people , I always offer help no matter how u treat me I am a very forgiving person maybe too forgiving but no matter how forgiving I am
I still have a limit to my tolerance and you shouldn't go overboard and be sensitive towards other feelings. I'm not so zai to be able to withstand every remark and every bad thing a person do to try to hurt or insult me.if I could I will be as good as not
being human. we live to learn yes it's my fault for scolding a vulgar so I'm in the wrong but I just hope u be more sensitive towards others next time
the most sad thing is that I have helped u countless of times and always share things with u even though u were very demanding = ( and rude . you are actually a good kid and one of the person who inspire me to skate ... in fact I bet u inspire almost everyone and it really proves u r super talented and able to learn slides in a blink of a eye . but please learn to be humble = ) it's hard for others to be very kind to u but u being very rude I hope u learn to be more humble and sensitive..

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